Is Pokemon ruined forever?

I have a Pokemon problem. Truth be told, it's been going on since I was about eight years old. I played Pokemon Silver for so long that the internal clock broke. Then I did the same for Sapphire. I probably would have done that for Emerald too, if my copy hadn't been a jarg edition I found in a market in Hong Kong that erased your progress every time you turned off your console. Yes, I still completed the game despite this handicap.




Now that I'm an adult, I have another problem. I put hundreds of hours into Sword & Shield thanks to its exciting competitive scene, I would have done the same in Scarlet & Violet if it was somehow playable. I don't hit thousands of hours and internal clocks are no longer a thing (or they're so huge no one has ever hit them), but I still love the games.

Nessa uses a Poke Ball in battle in Pokemon Sword/Shield

However, that has changed in the past week. The latest leaks have changed my perception of Pokemon. I read them and was equally intrigued and disgusted. Pokemon/human relationships are a lot to take in, but the mythological similes are a nice addition to Pokemon lore. They feel like they've been ripped straight out of Japanese or Norse myths, stories of Yokai and gods repurposed for Pokemon.



The new Pokemon Surging Sparks cards made me feel uncomfortable

Slakoth cards in front of Pokemon TCG Surging Sparks pack

I thought I could compartmentalize, put these non-canonical stories in a dark corner of my brain, lock the door and throw away the key. I thought I was doing well, until I saw some of the new cards for the Pokemon TCG.

While the connecting Durant is causing a commotion in the community, there are some killer illustrated rarities that specifically target me. Phanpy is as adorable as the cutest Pokemon deserves, and Skarmory's chrome wings look elegant in the finished card.

We all know that Jasmine's specially illustrated sandwich-eating rare will be the most expensive card in the set for… reasons.


But when I flipped through the Surging Sparks card list, I was scared of Slakoth. This sleepy boi is just lounging on some grass, but I immediately jumped to the leaked lore surrounding 'mon. The story of torture, death and relationships between humans and Pokemon crawled out of that corner of my brain and straight into my head. This card didn't deserve that treatment; he's just a little guy! But I can't separate the slumbering sloth from its horrific backstory.

I can't look at Pokemon the same way anymore


Honestly, I can't look at Slakoth the same way anymore. Neither does Octillery, although as a victim rather than a perpetrator I feel more sorry for the tank-octopus thing. Typhlosion, despite being the best starter Pokemon ever designed, somehow escapes the curse. I don't know if it's because I can separate the idea of ​​Cyndaquil from the story of its evolved form or just because I have more nostalgia for the 'mon than the others, but the brain root hasn't kicked in yet.

This makes me worried about the future. I fully intend to play Pokemon Legends: ZA, but what should I do if I run into a Slaking or Octillery? Typhlosion is, thankfully, unlikely since it was a starter in the last Legends game, but a wild Cyndaquil could send me into a similar spiral.

I regularly use Vigoroth in Pokemon Go's PvP mode, Go Battle League. I'm not sure I'll be able to see my faithful glaze over when it's Body Slamming opponents, knowing what its compatriots did to a poor woman. I'm sure it taught her a lesson about not torturing Pokémon, but it resulted in devastating consequences.


Image of Slakoth, Vigoroth and Slaking in visors, and Komala, all by a beach

Is this just life now? Do we have to struggle with remembering these horrific stories every time we encounter one of the Pokemon involved for all eternity?

Only time will tell. Maybe next time Octillery gets a SIR in the TCG, we'll all move on and acknowledge these horrifying stories with a laugh and a joke. Maybe Pokemon will stop featuring these Pokemon, like it did for so many years with Kadabra? Either way, Pokemon will never be the same.

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