Queensland State of Origin claim goes too far for seething NSW

It’s not enough that those greedy Queensland Maroons hit us every year on the football field with mechanical contempt.

They also have to overdiagnose Ben Hunt bunions as botulism just to earn loser status too.

Yes, no one loves mind games more than Queensland, and despite being clearly superior in real rugby league, they still can’t help but soil every Origin preamble with their chamber pot of lies and deceit.

We’ve seen it all before.

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Encrypted team sheets, Sanskrit quotes or even their paranoid Area 51-style conspiracies, and that’s just Cameron Smith talking to the referees.

And it works – not just because the bastards still win – but because it still gives us New South Welsh people the deluxe shit.

We can’t forget Kevin Walters announcing his team alphabetically in 2017, we’re still seething over Lote Tuqiri being named TBA for backdooring a suspension, and we still get ulcers every time they name their team 24 hours after ours.

But after the events of this week, it’s time to admit that their two-dollar psychological warfare has thankfully jumped the shark.

Gorden Tallis wasn’t scraping the bottom of the barrel on NRL 360 with his weak refereeing conspiracy over Michael Maguire, he had dug himself six feet deep into the clay.

In case you missed it, the former Maroon said the Blues hold an unfair lead in leading to the series due to Maguire’s time spent as referee coach, a role he held in the pre-Who Cares era.

“It (Maguire’s history with coaches) must be a bit worrying,” Tallis said.

“Last night we saw Madge talking about… that she met Joey (Suaali’i) when she was 13 and so there’s a relationship with him.

“So you wouldn’t know the strengths and weaknesses, would you as a coach? If you were the umpires’ coach, would you know the umpires’ strengths and weaknesses?

“If you coach referees, do you think you would have a good relationship with them?”

Even the usually combative NRL360 panel failed to cosplay the panto, with Paul Crawley generously labeling Tallis’ claims “stretching”.

It was a clumsy attempt at victimhood even by the standards of Queensland’s extremely flexible persecution complex, and the fact that it was met with the same brazenness as Harry Grant shows that their subterfuge has run out of steam.

That’s right, the Queensland camp is still apparently such a deadly war zone it should be surrounded by kneeling BBC correspondents in helmets.

But despite the support of compliant local servants in spreading the message, it is fake news that has outlived its permanence.

Of course, I have no doubt that Grant wasn’t lying about being in all sorts of things this week, but that’s what happens with exposure to Bond and Queensland tap water.

But excuse our cynicism when the same black widow spider that keeps biting us acts dead for the 725th time.

We can all agree there is nothing more important for Queensland than crying wolf to see their odds wiped out by the bookies.

But their invented diseases are now a public health problem.

In the Fair Dinkum ward, all the doctors stationed in the Maroons camp must be deployed where they are needed most, namely at Paul Vautin’s bedside to treat his delirium.

“I love the NSW bench. Yeo, Olakau’atu, Leniu, Young… It’s a really strong bench,” Vautin beamed this week.

“We are against it.

“I’ll never tip the hat to NSW, but I’m surprised they’re the outsiders.”

Yes, Queensland disingenuously launches itself with a narrative to seize underdog status from the highest perch, even if you can feel The Fat’s head shaking with every false word uttered.

In fact, if you extract every syllable from his Morse code quote, it’s spelled “QLD 13+.”

To be honest, it’s ridiculous that these Queenslander mind games have lasted this long, especially considering the opponents.

Here in NSW, we have our hands full trying to win a game, let alone muddy the team sheet or tamper with the psyche.

Indeed, our brains are too crowded for mind games, especially as they are full of self-doubt and Queenslanders living rent-free.

That’s why all we can count on is the occasional victory in Perth or eliminating all enemy players with our judiciary.

— Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic who longs for the glory days of rugby league, a time when sponges were magic and Mondays were crazy. He has never tied a boot on his waist and, as such, he should be taken with a grain of salt.

Read related topics:BrisbaneSydney

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