God, this was going to start with me saying how much I love playing Virtual Boy on Switch with the new accessories. Long story short: The games are easier to play now with better controls and the screen/eye adjustments are much more intuitive, making it easier to avoid headaches. The plastic reproduction headset is fantastic.
Additionally, the headsets work with Super Mario Odyssey and Breath of the Wild VR modes, which you probably don't remember exist, but crazily, they do. So I'm happy with my purchase and also The Mansion of Innsmouth, a former Japan exclusive game, is really scary.
But I got distracted, so – storytime! When I worked at Nintendo in the localization department (ie Kingdom of Heaven, it was a mistake to ever leave so if you get that job, don't leave), I had two desks full of personal Nintendo memorabilia that I had brought with me, including a couple of Virtual Boy consoles.
In fact, you could say I was a bit of a Virtual Boy obsessive. And that fact made me do the stupidest thing possible in my first few weeks on the job. I did something that, frankly, would have gotten me fired at literally any other business.
The virtual boy was my childhood
You see, when I was 11, I drained my entire childhood savings account of all the birthday and Christmas money I'd ever received over the years and could barely afford the Virtual Boy and a game. And I loved it. I loved it. Were the games that good? Er… there were some!
And also need I remind you that I was 11. You could have shoved a bag of dog shit in my face and said it was made by Nintendo or Sega and I would have given you my lunch money. It's actually rougher than I thought but you know what I mean.
Virtual Boy on Nintendo Switch 2 feels like a glimpse into an alternate universe
Get ready to endure migraines again with Virtual Boy on Nintendo Switch.
And yes, I understood why other people didn't like it! Strained eyes! Neck pain! But I didn't have eye strain, my neck was fine, and any console that allowed me to completely block out everything else I could see in my horrible life was a positive in my book. And the fact that the console tanked actually meant I could get used copies of almost every North American release for a few bucks at Blockbuster. Heck, back in the day you could get anything at Blockbuster for cheap. My SNES copy of Earthbound still has that Blockbuster sticker on it.
Anyway, back to Nintendo. So I was there towards the beginning of the 3DS era, which is now very long ago and makes me very sad to think about. Either way, Nintendo of America is an extremely welcoming place to work. It even smelled the best of any place I've worked in my entire life. And it's a surprisingly small company so you see a lot of the big guys walking around.
But the virtual boy had no place in my adulthood
That said, Nintendo is still a company. And in a company, brand new employees aren't supposed to bump into managers and pitch ideas. Especially at a company that is pretty, pretty good at coming up with its own ideas. You'd think I'd know this since the job I had right before Nintendo was a researcher on Saturday Night Live, a place that very much doesn't like people running up to executives with ideas.
But I'm an idiot. I loved the Virtual Boy. And at the time, the Virtual Console was pretty big on the Wii and 3DS. You remember it. I remember that. We don't need to explain the virtual console. If you don't know what that was, look at the words “Virtual Console” and see if the image becomes clear like a Magic Eye poster. And despite being called the Virtual Console, there were no Virtual Boy games on it. And – wouldn't you know? – the company just released a 3D console! Perfect timing!
Two things. One: it's actually possible to modify a 3DS to play Virtual Boy games. So, you know, if that sounds good to you, go to town. Two: I probably should have… I don't know… get an idea of my place or even go to my direct manager and say something about an idea that no one I worked with actually had the power to execute because Japan makes the big decisions. I probably should have spent a couple of weeks actually understanding how things work. Probably. Normal people do, I hear!
Instead, I basically jumped Reggie Fils-Aime in the bathroom at Nintendo. The bathroom. You know, the best place to start a conversation with a stranger. While we were washing our hands.
Reggie Fils-Aime says Astro Bot 'almost beat Nintendo at its own game'
That's high praise coming from the former president of Nintendo of America.
I stuck out my still wet fingers to a very large, very powerful man who didn't know me and said, “Hi, I'm Mike! I work in the treehouse!” He was polite enough because Reggie is a great guy and always good to employees. If I had done it alone against Lorne Michaels, I would have been thrown out of a 16th floor window. The closest I've ever seen Reggie mad at an employee was me too – but that was because years later I was on his team in a basketball game and literally kept passing to the other team. But what I did next was much dumber than that.
I then said – and I promise this is a lesson I've learned and know I won't do in the future – “Hey, Reggie, I've got an idea.” Which… ten out of ten. That's right. I assumed we were on a first name basis because… why wouldn't I? He was wearing a very expensive suit and I had a hoodie that probably said something like “Get High on Tech”, but we were basically equals in this men's room where I had stuck a very busy businessman. Reggie! Reg-Meiser! Reggerino!
If Reggie Fils-Aime had killed me, it would have been justified
He turned to me because he is polite and waited. I then spent five minutes of his valuable time explaining why Virtual Boy should be on the 3DS immediately and I said, I swear to God, “And I'll be happy to help however you need.” I am literally laughing out loud right now writing this because there is not one damn thing he would need from me or even anything I could personally do to make that happen. Was I going to learn programming, skip the Nintendo of Japan and install the roms myself? Did they need some big brains to make sure the copy in Teleroboxer still works?
Reggie gave me a smile and a nod as if to say “time to back out of this situation.” Which I meant instead, time to talk more about Virtual Boy! Did he know there were even Japanese games that didn't come out in America? It's true! Also true? I made a big mistake. Who the hell was I to tell this man the story of the company that he, you know, ran the US branch of? He said, “Thank you,” which is probably the best you can muster when you're trying to leave a room without turning your back on the other person.
About an hour later I broke out in a sweat as I realized what I had just done. I asked a colleague if it was a good idea and they looked at me like I was asking if dropping my pants and showing my butt was the best way to greet Iwata. It was clearly a bad idea. Obviously that was a bad idea. Dear Sir, what a bad idea. Coworker said I'd be fine but… you know… don't. Maybe start a little lower on the ladder if you want to have a discussion. Maybe learn what everyone's job and internal responsibilities are!
So I spent the next few weeks in fear of what I had done. I was so worried because I knew I was so stupid. I was sure I had just kicked myself out of the dream job I wanted to work at since I was a kid (Reminder: don't quit Nintendo, you'll regret it). I kept checking my emails waiting to be called into an office and told that it was super inappropriate and that I might not be a good fit for the company.
That's not what happened. Nothing happened. I guess Reggie let it go because he had more pressing things to do and it was probably such a bizarre run-in that he probably thought it best to leave it alone. Or maybe I'm overestimating my own humiliation after a thrilling surge of enthusiasm. So, yes, that headline might be a little hyperbolic. Sue me! (Note: please don't).
But it's a strange feeling to be so passionate about the stupidest thing and almost bomb your own career with an idea that doesn't actually make sense and is based on a console that was famously embarrassing for Nintendo. I was so innocent. I was so silly. I really think most other companies would have put me in an airlock and opened the door.
So when I say I'm happy to have the virtual boy back, I want you to know that I'm the biggest idiot ever born on God's red and black earth, and that's exactly why this product is 100 percent for me. Am I biased? Yes. Did that prejudice almost put me out of work from the source of that prejudice? Probably. But it was worth blowing my chance for that cute virtual boy that no one else wanted.
